FOC Dorothy sez: "Angel! ANNNNNNNNN-GEL! Well, I don't really care if sunlight doesn't 'become' you, Mister, you can go to PetSmart for your own institutional-size gallons of pig's blood. Why? Because all you do in the daytime is draw the curtains and sit around moping and brooding and fondling the remote in what seems like your never-ending quest to make the Guinness Book of World Records for time-suckage. Don't you bare your fangs at me, buddy. And pick up an Airwick at the store, will you? It's stuffy in here.
"Geez...After all that wrangling, I only have time for one e-mail but it's a good one -- one I can sympathize with..."
Dear Dorothy:
I'm not re-signing with OLTL and hope to enjoy a real career outside of soaps. You've made a somewhat decent jump from daytime to series TV. Any advice for another JFP castoff?
Tea (tea@shakeyabonbon.com)
I started out on OLTL as a real firecracker. When I came on, I was a sexy, intelligent Latina. I flirted with the equally hot Antonio Vega, eventually meeting my match in Todd Manning. Together, we did some of our best acting and frankly, our hair always looked fabulous. With Todd, life was exciting. Sure, it hurt when Blair sent me hurtling through that window but I certainly felt alive after the experience -- especially after Dr. Larry Wolek surgically re-attached my face.
FOC Dorothy responds:
Tea,
Just the other night, Angel and I chased a burrower demon through a mall in the Valley. Burrower demons are those creatures who suck the lifeforce out of those around them in order to maintain the lifestyles they've become accustomed to. Well, anyway, Angel and the burrower demon (who turned out to be Kato Kaelin) were tossing each other all over The Limited. I hate the sight of blood, especially when it's being spattered all over French-cut silk button-up blouses that are marked down 50%, so I whipped out my new, big gun and squinched my face up into a really serious expression. That's what we detectives do. Then, Kato pushed Angel into an entire rack of black capri pants and headed towards the mall's upper level. I cut him off at the pass and pushed him down the stairs, thinking he was done for at that point. Not so, unfortunately. Unlike in soaps, pushing evil characters down the stairs doesn't necessarily equal instantaneous death in series TV. And I couldn't even threaten to expose Kato through his evil twin because -- get this -- he doesn't have one.
My advice to you is to leave soaps knowing that the road ahead in series TV is one paved with little more than your reactions to the sensitive homilies of a hunkier-than-thou star. There are no flashback montages but then again, you're not in danger of having to sleep with Max Holden, either, so there's a plus. !Hasta la vista, baby!
I applaud your leaving OLTL when your contract is up but your complete failure to hedge over the decision bothers me. I think you should think about what you're doing and then, when you've really thought about it, go back and think about it some more. Let me tell you, going from soaps to series TV is no picnic. There are lots of things you won't think you miss about the soap world that you
really will once you're out there in the, uh, "real" world.
FOC Dorothy puts on the new Sarah McLachlan "Mirrorball" CD and gives us all the heave-ho with: "*ahhh* What a voice! Oh, hi, Angel baby...I'm sorry I was so snitty before...*pout* Let's see what you bought...Airwick...Type O Negative Kool-Aid...blood sausage...Uh-oh...Eh, sweetie? You're going to have to go back to the store. You forgot my tampons."
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Posted to rec.arts.tv.soaps.abc October 27, 1999
FOC Dorothy is Mandi (mandia@earthlink.net
)