FOC Dorothy sez: "*whew!* Now that my application to the Ph.D. program at Mare's alma mater, Ken I. Sleepwith University, has been safely sent off to the Admissions Office, I can finally catch up on some of this e-mail that's clogging my poor PC. Actually, I should find out if I've been accepted to Ken I. Sleepwith U. today so I'm just tossing out pebbles of advice to those most in need in the greater metropolitan Llanview area. I'm pretty good at tossing things out (ask Joey); this should be easier than aceing that Psych 450/Abnormal Displays of Human Sexuality course and this time around, I won't even have to get out the whip. Uh...never mind that. Just read, okay?"
FOC Dorothy continues: "Apparently, everyone in Llanview is having a personality crisis or eight, depending on how many personalities they have to start with (DID is so trendy there, according to Mare). Let's focus on a few cases-in-point, like..."
| TODD | Obviously, right now he's experiencing technical difficulties. Todd, you're in danger of losing your edge, guy. People are starting to really like this "Boomer" side of you. Play it carefully or else when the real, snarling, mysogynistic Todd makes his triumphant return, even Briggs won't say "How high, my liefest lord and master?" when Todd roars "Jump!" |
| KELLY | And just when we were starting to be friends in the parallel universe of RATSA OLTL-dom! Kelly, please -- stop searching for evidence of Todd's fake personalities and start looking for that which I finally came to believe you actually possessed: an intelligent, fully-functioning brain. There's something wrong with that Barbara girl. If I were still around, I think together we could figure out what she's hiding in that scheming little (and I emphasize the word "little") blonde brain of hers. Your cutest leopard-print scarf is smarter than she is. Keep a close eye on her and take her out, Blair/Goddess-style. Oh, yeah...Call me this weekend so I can tell you all about Javier's new job at the strip club. He's so cute in thongs. |
| JOEY | You know, you just...I mean, why can't you open your eyes and zip up your pants?!! If I had known being psycho turned you so on, I would've taken Georgie up on her offer to go for drinks. *sigh* |
| BABS | I know what you did last summer. |
FOC Dorothy exits stage left with: "I'm in! I'm in! Ph.D. program, here I come! Gee, maybe I should send that nice guy in the Admissions Office a thank-you card or something. Or maybe I'll just let him keep the leather pants I loaned him. He looked, um, dapper in them."
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Posted to rec.arts.tv.soaps.abc November 10, 1998
FOC Dorothy is Mandi (mandia@earthlink.net
)