FOC Dorothy sez: "*sigh* RJ is back...*giggle*"
RJ sez: "Turn that Chet Baker up, baby, and let's knock out this letter so we can get back to...improvising."
Dear Dorothy:
Back to Llanview: My son Joey is a cad for not at least giving me cause to become furious with you at least once for fooling around with him up at my cabin. And I had a speech on "responsibility" all planned out for you; I knew it wouldn't work on Kelly. But that's all in the past. I've got new problems now.
My ex-husband Clint has recently...taken up with Lindsay Rappaport, Sam's ex-wife, and I'm not sure how to handle this precarious situation. I feel unloved and unattractive, unworthy of a man's love. Yet I'm not in love with Clint anymore (at least, I don't want to sleep with him again). Lindsay is younger than I am and considerably spunkier. Oh, what to do?!! Nikki Smith keeps telling me to show a little more cleavage, but everytime I listen to her I find myself in dire straits. Is my sexuality on extended sabbatical? Give your best to Mare for me, Dorothy, and warn her about Carlo, will you?
Viki@banner.org
Good heavens, Dorothy, it's been far too long since we've talked! I miss my role as Mother-Figure-In-Waiting to you; with Marty off in Ireland until Susan Haskell returns after finding she failed to get the role of "Second Orderly From Left" on E/R, you were my final shot at getting the chance to do what I do best -- serving as a matronly role model for a young OLTL ingenue. That's the secret, dear, to my winning Emmys while Susan Lucci remains always a bridesmaid, never a bride; a longstanding diva must nurture those who may ultimately replace her in years to come, not demand they be "offed" so they can someday gain mass popularity kicking vampire butt on "Buffy The Vampire Slayer." Oh, I digress...Enough about "real life"...
Viki:
I miss you, too, and it's great to hear from you. You were there for me when I needed a mother figure in my upstart soap actress life and I've never forgotten that. One day when I'm starring in a "Read More About It And Drink Milk" public service announcement, I'll have you to thank for all your guidance. Um, anyway, about your waning sexuality -- it isn't. Waning, that is. You're just in a "dry spell" and, take it from someone who knows, we've all been there. Just hang in there and once this Lindsay chick starts her art gallery up and hires Joey as her personal stud, I mean, assistant, Clint will be there for the taking. Uh, maybe I shouldn't have said anything about Joey. That hasn't, um, happened yet....Has it? *gulp*
RJ steps in: I'll take it from here, baby.
Listen, Viki, I know we don't interact much in town, mainly because I'm almost never, ever on and, well, I'm supposedly "bad" and you're "good," but I've always thought you were a fine, fine lady in your own way. You run your own business, baby, and that's a big plus in my little black book. Why you're sweatin' your old old man, I don't dig, but anytime you'd like to swing on my side of town, sweets, just dial my number. I'll help you get your groove back, Stella..."
FOC Dorothy kicks it smooth on the outro with: "Hey! Hang on, RJ! I thought you only swung with me! *pout* What am I to you?!! Just some stop-over on your tour of treachery?!! *whine*"
RJ turns on the charm to spare: "Now, baby, you're not selfish. That's what I dig about you. You know I've got to spread the love around. You're the only Master's-holding social worker for me, baby, so let's ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive and have a little jam session. More Dom, baby? We only have three bottles left..."
FOC Dorothy: "*purrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*"
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Posted to rec.arts.tv.soaps.abc September 9, 1998
FOC Dorothy is Mandi (mandia@earthlink.net
)